


Laws of Love and The Universe

by notkiva



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - Lawyers, Artist Gerard Way, Drug Use, Kid Fic, Lawyer Frank, M/M, Marijuana, Stoner Frank, Stoner Joe Trohman
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-03-21 15:58:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3698279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notkiva/pseuds/notkiva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank Iero and Joe Trohman are lawyers who just happen to smoke a lot of pot & are roomates. Gerard is a cute art teacher. Bandit is adorable. Just read it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fuck, We're Out of Doritos Again

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came to me when I was really high so I've decided to just get really high before I write each chapter of this story.. Yeah... Prepare yourselves.. Tell me what ya think

"Dude." At the sound of Frank's accusing voice so loud and so suddenly, Joe Trohman nearly shit his pants. The sound of Frank's tiny hands opening and closing all the cupboards in the kitchen rang through Joe's ears like a death toll. 

"Can you fucking keep it down, pissdick?" Joe rubbed his fingers across his forehead slowly and eased himself off the couch. As Joe walked toward the light of the kitchen, Frank's obnoxious clanking didn't cease. Joe walked through the door, frowning loudly. "Fuck you, man, I'm hurting." Frank didn't care. Frank whipped around and pointed his finger at Joe like he was ratting him to the fuzz.  _  
_

"Where the  _fuck_ are the doritos?" Frank's voice was threatening, but frankly Joe was too hungover and too tired to even  _try_ to take Frank seriously so he just patted Frank on the head and scooted past him to the fridge to chug like a whole carton of coconut milk. Frank looked pretty disappointed, but he dropped the tough guy act and started rooting around in the cereal cupboard for a few minutes. Lucky Charms in hand and frown on face, Frank turned to Joe looking wicked bummed. "Fuck, we're out of Dortios again." Joe just nodded, finishing the last of the Sunny-D with a loud 'ah' and and even louder burp. 

"Dude," Joe whispered, shutting his eyes and leaning against the cold hard counter. "How was your day and shit?" Frank almost laughed. 

"I was doing paperwork for like six hours straight and I legit can't even remember what the paperwork was about, man." Frank looked like he'd seen some shit. "It was like, I was just going through these stacks and stacks of paper and filling things out and I don't even know how I was doing it... Joe I literally don't know what I'm doing I just kind of write words and give it to the boss man and he tells me good job, but I don't actually know what is going on." While Frank steadly began derailing his mind, Joe gazed at him through tiny slits and shook his head. 

"I know exactly what we both need." Frank looked up slowly and smiled. With one look they both knew what was about to happen. Circle time.

"I'll get the stuff." Frank said quickly, bouncing away like a rabbit on crack.

"I'll get the tunes!" Joe said just as fast, but a little quieter and he made his way carefully to the couch.

Five minutes later, there they sat, Frank laughing at the Popeye cartoon playing silently on the T.V. Joe handed the bong to Frank and leaned back into the couch, almost purring like a sleepy fat cat.

"Man I'm so glad we never stopped smoking weed after high school like all those other idiots." Joe practically pet Frank's head and giggled. "Like they probably eat broccoli and take Advil PM instead of just smoking a J." Frank scoffed and popped another handful of almonds into his mouth.

"For real, dude, fuck 'em." Joe nodded somberly before springing up suddenly and pointed at Frank.

"Capri Sun? Strawberry milk? Long Island iced tea?" Frank thought about it for a second and looked down at the bowl.

"We need fresh bong water." Joe started walking towards the kitchen and turned around swiftly.

"Like for drinking? Gross, man."

"What?" Frank packed the bowl halfhazardly. "No man for like the bong. So it doesn't taste like shit. I'll have cherry kool-aid actually." Joe clicked his fingers at Frank a few times in understanding and backed into the kitchen. Frank took another rip. "Hey man," he called into the kitchen. "I'm pretty stoned, I think I'm gonna walk to CVS and get us some doritos." Joe's muted scream of acknowledgement could be heard from the kitchen.

Frank grabbed his keys and stuffed them in his NOFX sweater before ducking out into the cold October air. It was only a five minute walk to CVS, so Frank walked a little quicker than usual with his head low and fingers smashed into his thin jean pockets. He was thinking about how it never occured to him that he could peel a lemon if he wanted to.

As he walked into the small corner store, Frank noticed a man buying a 10 pound barrel of gummy worms, which was intriguing, but Frank was on a mission. A mission for Doritos.  


	2. "Teacher's wage, am I right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey whoa i havent updated in days yo i just felt like writing the second chapter so tell me what u think!!

Frank focused on the aisle of Doritos in front of him. There were so many kinds, he had never noticed just how many different types of Doritos there really were. Of course the original ones were always good, but did Frank really want to live the rest of his life only eating nacho cheese flavored Doritos when he could be falling in love with a savory looking salsa verde? Or what about the spicy nacho? Still cheese, but with a kick. These are the thoughts that plagued Frank as he picked the loose skin on his bottom lip in aisle 4. He began picking the different bags off the shelf and reading the ingredients. All shit, but Frank decided that the Salsa Verde ones were his victim of choice. Just as he snatched the bag off the shelf and turned to go to the cashier desk, the man he saw earlier carrying the barrel of gummy worms was walking quickly over to him. Frank thought the hairs flying around his head made him look vaguely like a mad scientist, eager to conduct his new experiment using multiple pounds of gummy worms and a Monster Energy drink. 

Frank wiped his dry eyes with his dirty fingers quickly and cleared his throat. Being stoned in public was pretty easy for Frank nowadays, unlike when he first started smoking and could barely drive to the closest McDonalds for some fries without worrying about the cops arresting him then and there. It still made him uncomfortable, though, talking to strangers with half-lidded eyes and dismal comprehension. What if they knew he was high? Not that he cared what anyone thought, but it  _is_ a bit lame for a guy in his late twenties to still be toking it up on the weekends. Especially a lawyer.  _  
_

"Hey man, you got a few bucks to spare?" Gummy worms guy is practically bursting with energy and Frank swears he can see the bucket of gummy worms vibrating. Frank hasn't really reacted yet, Verde Doritos clutched to his chest like an ancient artifact in danger of combusting or something equally as terrible. Frank blinked very slowly and rolled his tongue around in his mouth. Tongues and lips always felt weird to Frank when he was lit. Frank looked around, they were the only ones in the store. Go figure. His fingers automatically dug into his Dickies and pulled out a crumpled wad of one and five dollar bills. The gummy worms guy smiled really big and practically threw down the barrel of worms to give Frank a bone-crushing, dick aquainting hug, and hey- this guy was pretty cute. Frank blushed and also may have let out a honking laugh, because what else do you do when you're high and someone asks you for money so they can buy way too many gummy worms. "Thanks so much, man!" Gummy worms guy gushed, kissing both of Frank's cheeks in quick succession. His breath smelt like sugar and something tangy, like oranges or lemons possibly, Frank noted.

"For sure, dude." Frank blinked a few more times and focused on the guy's eyes, giving him a bit of a skeptical look. "Say, whattdya need all those worms for, anyways? You gonna kill someone with 'em?" He slurred a bit and giggled at the thought of this pixie looking dude asphyxiating someone with a huge bucket of gummy worms. The guy was literally bursting out of his skin with energy, Frank almost passed out from just looking at him.

"Teacher's wage, am I right?" Frank was confused. "That's why I'm short of money for these worms," the guy said in explaination. "It's the first weekend where my kid's staying at my place and her mom doesn't let her have any of that candy-sugar junk so I figured I'd be a cool dad and buy her a few pounds of gummy worms in attempt to make her like me," the guy started rubbing the back of his neck and tapping his foot. You could tell he was babbling and mildly freaking out because he couldn't stop talking, but Frank just smiled widely and thought about this guy having an all night gummy worm rave-party with his daughter in order to be considered a cool dad. "And plus I wanted a little bit of sugar, but I guess I took it a bit far, I'm a little off my rocker right now," he chuckled nervously, but then locked eyes with Frank and smirked. "Oh.. my.. gosh." Frank was confused. The guy was laughing. This guy was an asshole. "You are stoned off your ass." Frank tried to look offended and ended up looking mildly frightened instead. 

"What?" Frank snorted. "I'm a grown-ass man." This made the stranger laugh even harder as he patted Frank's shoulder. 

"Don't worry, you spotted me some cash, I won't turn you into the feds," Frank giggled and nodded in thanks. "this time." He finished, winking at Frank playfully and scooping his barrel of gummy worms into his arms once more. The cash Frank stuffed into his hands was now stuffed half-hazardly into his pocket. Frank was still staring dumbly at the worms in his arms when the stranger raised his eyebrows and shifted his weight onto his toes and then heels. "Well, thank you so much, stoner guy, for the cash and I promise if you give me your number I'll pay you back." Frank couldn't tell if this was some kind of ploy to get his number or if the guy really wanted to pay him back, but he slid his card out of his back pocket and placed it on the guy's gummy worms.

"No worries, let me know how that sugar party goes." They kind of stared at each other for a few more seconds before the guy turned on his heels and sent Frank another wink before practically skipping down the aisle and paying for the worms with Frank's wrinkly money. 

Frank sighed. That guy was very cute. And very sweet, although maybe a bit hyper and lowkey smelly. Frank looked at the Doritos in his hands once more. He didn't even really want them anymore, but Joe would throw a bitch fit if Frank came back nearly a half an hour later with no Doritos and short of money seven bucks. He looked up to the counter and gummy worms dude was gone. Bummer. Frank walked slowly to the counter, paid for his Doritos without even worrying if Old Doris was noticing his red eyes (she noticed, she always noticed, and she never hesitated to ask Frank for a few grams on the down low.) 

"See ya later, D." Frank clicked his fingers at Old Doris and shoved the Doritos into his coat, zipped it up, and slipped out into the cold Jersey air. 

Frank's stomache growled as he walked down the street, the empty alley ways and asphault echoed every sound. He decided to rip into the Doritos afterall when he heard the sound of quick footsteps behind him. Frank turned around, expecting some junkie or homeless person looking to jack him, but it was gummy worms dude minus the gummy worms. 

"Hey!" he called, jogging over to Frank with a mischievous smile. "I'm Gerard. I just thought I should say that, because I noticed on your card that your name is Frank, which is a super cool name, and I didn't want you to not have a name to put to my face. If you even think about my face. Not in like a creepy way, but if you I popped into your conscious I didn't want to be some nameless alien guy." This guy seemed to really be struggling with shutting up again so Frank did what seemed appropriate for the situation. He pulled a joint out of his coat pocket and raised his eyebrows. 

"Gerard. Hi. You have a cool name too, but you really need to chill. Have a smoke with me?" Frank waved the joint under Gerard's nose and wiggled his eyebrows. "It's good shit, and you seem like a guy I could share a joint with." At first, Gerard looked worried and checked his watch, but seemed to relax after a few minutes and smiled at Frank. 

"I'm sure that couldn't hurt." And so they went.


	3. "I feel like I'm fifteen again!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all. i honestly have no idea where im goin with this story so.,., dont expect much.,.

So this was going to happen. Frank and Gerard were walking slowly back to Frank's apartment quietly. They were going to smoke a joint, (or a few, Frank thought to himself) after meeting briefly in CVS. Which, honestly, wasn't Frank's typical night out. He never took strangers home. Joe was bound to get a kick out of this.

"So when's your daughter coming to stay with you?" Frank spoke up, elbowing Gerard's side lightly to get his attention. Gerard's fingers were crammed in his jean jacket's small pockets. He looked cold. 

"Well," Gerard scratched his chin. "I technically don't have legal custody of her right now, so I'm just hoping Linds keeps her promise and swings by this Saturday." Frank nodded. Gerard seemed really stressed about whether or not he was going to see his kid, Frank almost laughed at how perfect smoking a bowl sounded right then. 

"What's her name?" Gerard smiled and shook his head a little.

"Bandit. I couldn't name my baby something conventional so we named her Bandit." Wow. Bandit. What a fucking name, huh? Frank hid his smile and kicked a rock in front of him. 

"That's pretty dope, I like it." Frank swore he just saw Gerard blush. "I have a dog named Meatball, so I can't say shit." Both of them burst out laughing as Frank turned the corner and pointed to a dark green door on the side of a brick building. They had only been walking five minutes, surprisingly, and skipped over to the door with smiles on their faces. The two joints Frank had stored in his flannel pocket thwacked against his chest lightly. Instead of going through the door, though, Frank led them through the back gate into a small back yard full of different plants and grass; a small table with two chairs and an ash tray sat quietly in the corner, fairy lights strung above in the tree. 

"Dude, this yard is sick!" Gerard said quite loudly, to which Frank put his finger over his mouth and pointed at the open window above them. Joe's light snores drifted down into the yard and Gerard slapped his hand over his mouth, nodding in understanding. 

Frank motioned for Gerard to sit and took out his lighter and joint. Gerard seemed to relax a lot when he sat in the chair. He crossed his legs like a woman, which struck Frank as totally awesome. Frank always sat with his ankles crossed, stretched out in front of him. When you're short, you do anything to make yourself appear longer. 

"So how long's it been since you toked?" Frank lit the joint and took a drag, then leaned his head back as he let the first hit simmer. Gerard stared at the joint dangling from Frank's lips and swallowed dryly. 

"The last time I smoked weed was, like, when I was 24," Frank rolled his head over to look at Gerard and passed the burning cig to his shaking fingers. Gerard took a careful drag and closed his eyes.

"How old are you now, then?" Frank was just curious. Frank himself was 23 and it just occured to him that he didn't know how old Gerard really was. He didn't necessarily look  _too_ old, but sometimes you just don't know. And Frank wanted to know. Gerard took another hit and narrowed his eyes at Frank, swiftly leaning over and tucking it back into Frank's lips before speaking.

"I'm 30. Yes, I'm an old man now." He dramatically sighed and then pursed his lips. "Now I feel like some kind of cradle robber." Frank coughed as he took a drag and flicked some of the ash off.

"You haven't robbed my cradle yet," Frank winked, immediately regretting that then winced. "I mean, that was totally weird to say." He started shaking his head and took another long drag. "Whatever, fuck you I'm high." Gerard hadn't said anything yet, his face was unreadable.

"Anyways," Gerard chuckled and Frank almost fainted from embarassment. "this was exactly what I needed," he took the joint from Frank and smiled. "thank you." 

Frank blushed and ran his hands through his hair. He was high, but that did nothing to lessen the extreme butterfly party currently happening in his stomach. He wasn't going to lie to himself, Gerard was cute. And funny. And totally hitting on him shamelessly. They met less than thirty minutes ago and were currently sharing a marijuana cigarette on a Wednesday night, talking about robbing one another's cradles. The situation was in now way normal, but Frank honestly didn't care and neither did Gerard. They were having a fun time. They were giggling at stupid shit and looking at the stars in Frank's tiny backyard even though they barely knew each other and Frank felt fifteen again.

"I feel fifteen again!" Gerard exclaimed literally as Frank was thinking it, and Frank took out another J. 

 

Fifteen minutes later, the second joint was gone and Frank and Gerard had moved their discussion to the grass. They lay there with Joe's snores floating above them like a cloud. 

"What really is the point, though, y'know? Like, I'm thirty and I still don't know what the fuck I'm doing or why I'm doing it." They were both on their back, their shoulders almost touching. Frank was getting cold and tired, but he really didn't want Gerard to leave yet. Frank craned his neck and studied the silhouette of Gerard's pointy profile. 

"Well, maybe there is no point. Maybe we're just here because we're here and that's it. Maybe we're just supposed to live life and not think of a bigger picture. Who know." Frank wasn't exactly the most philosphical dude on the planet, but Gerard shook his head in agreement and then they were silent. 

It was quiet for a long time, then. The stars above them were more amazing than Frank thought they could be. Neither of them said anything, but it wasn't uncomfortable. In fact, Frank felt more comfortable than he had with anyone in a long time. He wondered if that meant anything, if him and Gerard were soulmates or something and fate had brought them together. But they were just strangers. Frank was being silly and Gerard didn't feel that way. Gerard probably just wanted free weed, if anything. Besides, Frank was just some stoner loser and Gerard probably thought he was some huge joke. 

These thoughts started ruining Frank's vibe so he cast a quick glance at Gerard. Gerard apparently caught the flicker, though, because he rolled onto his side and stared Frank directly in the eyes. 

"Okay, so," Gerard's eyelids were practically closed and he had this funny smile on his lips. Frank laid quietly. "I'm probably never going to see you again, so I'm just going to do this because I want to and I hope you want to, too. Then I'm gonna get up and leave out your back gate if that's okay." Frank was very confused, but did nothing but look right back at Gerard with anticipation. Frank honestly didn't know what to expect, but he did not exepect Gerard to lean down and kiss him very softly , get up, and disappear all within one minute. It didn't seem like a minute, though. It seemed like years. As Frank lay quietly, Gerard's warmth drifted away towards the gate and locked it. Frank didn't open his eyes. Instead he lay there for a few more minutes, got up slowly, and slipped in the back door up to his room and into his soft (yet lonely) bed. 

He never even opened the Doritos. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also i never proofread/reread these before i post them. and im usually a lil baked. so pls dont expect my writing to be totally awesome this story is just for fun ok


End file.
